November Muse

Crisp, clear, cool.  

As if one's breathe were its first.  

Floating crystals of morning frost, burning bright in sun lit skies.  

Raw, edged, a blade in the darkness of a shadow.  I am shaded by a thought.  

How fluorescent is the dawn?

In a dream my eyes awoke, starved for sensation, 

pupils dilated, take in, drink in.  

Oh this fall morning, for I am mourning.  

Lost again is the Autumn, flora struck by Ra's flame,

but now as a knife in the dark, winter plants its poison.

Lost again, is the Autumn, again I wait for spring.

A frame of glass has captured me.

Contain my soul, my essence,

one frosted piece.

To you I gave all, one leaf on the ground

You held me close, would not let go.

I froze to death, in pleasures touch.

You must remember,

I must forget.

Do you see, there through the trees?

I'm watching, waiting.

Can you see, there through the trees?

A hope, a prayer.

Feel a thought, a look, a wish?

Muted emotion, dull of blade and light.

Please, please, do not take flight.

Life comes at you fast

It has been a while since I've visited my own blog.  Life has been insane!  But the ride has been good.  Among the stacks of homework, work, volunteering, and being a husband I find no time to write down my thoughts.  So now that I have about fifteen minutes of breathing room, I think I'll do it.

I recently downloaded the newest Coldplay single "Paradise" which I recommend to anyone who needs a good boost for their day.  It's absolutely beautiful.  If the band could see my post, I would tell them thank you for the inspiration, beauty and musical perfection that soothes my inner ear and vibrates the bones to nirvana.   Some how they continue to express their talents with notes and lyrics that I feel describes me to a T.  Its oddly wonderful to be able to find expression to what makes me, me, when I can just flip on my i pod and hear it being sung.

The weather has turned to cool, crisp, Autumn.  My library has smelled like paradise the past couple of days.  I find much solace, and sanctuary within the walls of books.  The old building itself is due for termination coming next year, which is sad, but needed.  Especially when the doors don't close all the way, the ceiling leaks and the heater is bipolar.  But I love the people, the atmosphere and the friendships that are all contained within its rock walls.

The feeling of connection has been strengthen the past week by the reality of me leaving its comfort and striking out into the great unknown.  But before I could walk away, depressed and uncertain, I was offered a new position to be a sub, and travel between three different libraries, once every week.  It was a moment that I have only felt a few times in my life.  One where you feel so strongly about a decision that will change your life forever, where you give up something good, for something better.  I was torn, indecisive and degraditated.

I cried out to my maker and he answered my pathetic call, with this compromise.

Now, I can keep my toes in the water, focus on school, and (greatest of all) spend more time at home, with my radiant wife.

To all those who I work with, I love you like family, you all have influenced me for the best. I'll never forget our experiences for as long as I live.  And to Kendall if you ever read this, you will always  be a Philistine to me.

To my wife, thank you for loving me, urging me to be better than I am.

To God, thank you for being out there, to hear me and to show me that you care for this particular particle of dust.

Quite a Day

Its already the start of another semester. I can't believe it. At least my summer went out, with a bang. . . . almost.

I was standing at the front desk of my work, just this past Saturday, contemplating how much I didn't want to be productive, when an altogether mind baffling, almost heart stopping scene played out before me.

There was Farmer Joe, wife-beater shirt, red bandanna, jeans and beat up tractor riding past straight from 1956. In his lap was an old red gas can, pretty as can be. My mouth was already open in a half smile, when all of the sudden, he whipped out a thin white cigarette. Plunking it between his lips he fumbled around with a silver lighter, its metal flashing in the sun, letting me know it really was there.

My mouth hit the counter as I saw Farmer Joe wrestle with the lighter, his gas can (full by the way) and steering wheel. He ducked his head once, the lighter, his head and the lid to the gas can closer than the ever should have been. Twice he tried this, but failed to light. (Himself and his cigarette)

Finally he got enough gray cells together to stop the tractor, take his hands from the wheel and successfully light his cigarette. Of course over the spout of the can.

Thoughts started to flash through my head: I told my wife I love her right? Did I leave the car unlocked? I wonder how big the boom will be. These HUGE glass windows aren't shatter proof are they. I've never seen anybody blow up before, I guess there's a first time for everything.

But alas, no blinding flash came, no deafening boom or shattering of glass into my face. Farmer Joe puffed contentedly on his cig and calmly pulled the clutch out on his tractor. It sputtered forward and out of our sight.

Today I heard a man died while fishing, they said at least he died doing something he loved. Funny how life can play out, right?

Almsot to July

There is something liberating about being caught in a spring thunderstorm. Especially as one strides onto dry ground, where everyone without the experience of a rain kissed afternoon look on as shoes squeak and slid on tiled flooring. Where tranquility is shattered by slick rubber and an unabashed smile. Oh Ode of Odes, what would the tongue of Shakespeare wag out onto the hearkening ear of royalty long since past, if he had soggy afternoon shoes.

Summer Wonder

Here we are in the midst of the greenest Summer of our lives. With hearts and hands full.

Upcoming finals

Finals Checklist:

Psych Test (I'm still sane after four hours of studying)

Research Methods last assignment & Quiz (Thank goodness!)

History Essay Test. (expected to be writing for the whole two hours. Straight.)

Final Psych Quiz (Good thing these are easy right?)

Psych Optional Final (Just in case.)

Research Methods Final(Pretty much the devil himself is writing it, with his teeth.)

Human Development Final(Here we go an entire lifespan: Birth, Life, Death all in two hours.)

Equals:
me.

Spring Remembered

I know its a bit late, but here's a reminder.